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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23237398">To the Wild Mother</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Manuscriptor/pseuds/Manuscriptor'>Manuscriptor</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Critical Role (Web Series)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>M/M, Pining, Weed, no tags head empty, this is all i'm good for alskfasdf</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-03-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-03-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 13:48:06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,521</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23237398</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Manuscriptor/pseuds/Manuscriptor</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Caduceus shows Fjord the more relaxed side of the Wild Mother and how worship doesn't just consist of prayers and formal rituals.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Caduceus Clay &amp; Fjord</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>32</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>To the Wild Mother</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Are you sure this is necessary?” </p><p> </p><p>“I did it when I first communed with the Wild Mother.” </p><p> </p><p>Caduceus smirked as he watched Fjord fumble with the pipe and leaves. It was like looking into a mirror at his past self. Caduceus could remember when he didn’t know how to pack the wooden bowl and how he would spill a little every time. Now, he tapped his share into the long stemmed wooden pipe with practiced ease and waited for Fjord to catch up with him. </p><p> </p><p>The poor half orc looked so out of place. It was how he usually looked nowadays. Caduceus caught him folding his hands before meals and battles, trying to find a ritual before bed that suited him, and doing his best to walk through the forest paths without crushing any plants. It was all an effort to find a place for himself in a new religion he didn’t understand. </p><p> </p><p>Sweet, in a way. </p><p> </p><p>But much too formal.</p><p> </p><p>Caduceus wanted to show him the more relaxed side of the Wild Mother. How she wasn’t all folded hands and proper prayers. She could be so much more.</p><p> </p><p>“Here,” he said, reaching across the space between them and plucking the pipe and bag of leaves from Fjord’s hands. </p><p> </p><p>He filled the pipe easily, making sure it wasn’t too much. He didn’t want to hurt the poor fellow. He handed it back, letting Fjord handle it in his signature way--trying to act like he knew what he was doing but in reality completely lost. Caduceus just smirked and pulled out his tinder box. He slid the top open and sifted through the cotton and wood chips until he found his flint. </p><p> </p><p>“Now,” he said as he struck for a spark. “You can’t tell Beau that I have this.” </p><p> </p><p>“Why not?” Fjord asked. He dutifully let Caduceus light his own pipe, though he didn’t bring it up to his mouth just yet. </p><p> </p><p>Caduceus just smiled at him. “Because she would kick my ass if she knew. Besides, this is for the Wild Mother and her followers.” He tapped the end of his pipe against Fjord’s and propped the end in the corner of his mouth, motioning for Fjord to do the same. </p><p> </p><p>Fjord hesitated but then copied him. </p><p> </p><p>Caduceus puffed the leaves expertly, working the small spark until it was burning strong enough and he felt the strain in his chest whenever he inhaled. It was a comfortable feeling, one that made him think of home and family. He held his breath and closed his eyes, praying to the Wild Mother to thank her for his good fortune and good friends and the chance to relax with those friends. </p><p> </p><p>When Fjord started coughing, Caduceus opened his eyes and reached to pat him on the back. Fjord brushed off his hand, nearly crying before he recovered enough for words. </p><p> </p><p>“What . . . what the hell is that?” he asked. He looked at the pipe like it had offended him.</p><p> </p><p>Caduceus laughed and took another puff. “A family secret.” </p><p> </p><p>Fjord just looked suspicious. “Is this something that you grew out of a dead person?” he asked. “Because you have to tell me if it’s something you grew out of a dead person. I thought you just did that with tea.” </p><p> </p><p>“Not always tea,” Caduceus said. “Sometimes it’s something better.” </p><p> </p><p>Fjord gestured to the pipe. “How is <em>this  . . . </em>better?”  </p><p> </p><p>“Keep trying it and you’ll see,” Caduceus said. “Small breaths, and you won’t cough as much.” </p><p> </p><p>Fjord wrinkled his nose but tried again. Caduceus closed his eyes and went back to enjoying his own pipe, following his own advice of small breaths as he held in the lungfuls of thin wispy smoke. Fjord only coughed once more, but Caduceus could hear him struggling every once in a while. </p><p> </p><p>Their room in the inn was quiet otherwise. It wasn’t that late in the evening, and everyone else was still down at the bar enjoying drinks and each other’s company. Caduceus had been the one to turn in early first, intending on doing this ritual to the Wild Mother alone. Fjord had joined him a moment later though, too tired to deal with Jester’s antics it seemed, and Caduceus had extended the invitation. </p><p> </p><p>It only took a couple minutes before Caduceus felt a hand on his arm and he looked at Fjord with a smile, feeling the effects of the leaves already. </p><p> </p><p>Fjord was too, it seemed, as his eyes were red and watery but slightly unfocused. His entire body had relaxed too, in a way that was hardly ever allowed when they traveled on the road. Caduceus could feel himself unwinding in the same way. It felt good. </p><p> </p><p>“Woah,” Fjord said. He blinked several times and then looked to Caduceus. “Is it supposed to feel like that?” </p><p> </p><p>Caduceus took another pull on his pipe and blew the smoke up to the ceiling. “Oh, of course,” he said. </p><p> </p><p>Fjord was clinging to him as if to ground himself, so Caduceus put a hand over his and shifted a bit closer. He remembered his own first time and he could only imagine how the strain was affecting a half orc instead of a firbolg. Fjord wasn’t in any danger of course, Caduceus made sure of that. </p><p> </p><p>Fjord had put the pipe back in his mouth, inhaling and exhaling carefully. He didn’t move away from Caduceus and he didn’t move his hand. They continued like that for several more minutes, until both of them were swaying and nodding, heads bobbing and limbs loose. Caduceus had started giggling at some point. At what, he wasn’t quite sure, but Fjord was laughing with him. </p><p> </p><p>“To the Wild Mother,” Caduceus said, raising his pipe to Fjord. </p><p> </p><p>Fjord returned the toast, eyes half lidded and an easy smile spreading across his face. </p><p> </p><p>It only took a couple more puffs before Fjord was leaning heavily on Caduceus, head on his shoulder as his entire body slumped. Caduceus let him, slinging his arm across Fjord’s shoulders so the position was more comfortable. </p><p> </p><p>“Careful,” he mumbled. The warning was for himself and Fjord at the same time. Like he didn’t want Fjord to go too far and he didn’t want himself to do that either. </p><p> </p><p>They sat there for a while, just leaning against each other, occasionally taking puffs from their pipes. It kept the feeling going, keeping them floating. Caduceus could almost feel the Wild Mother looking down on them. Blessing them. Encouraging them. </p><p> </p><p>Caduceus put his hand over Fjord’s, and Fjord didn’t pull away. </p><p> </p><p>Maybe that was a sign from the Wild Mother. </p><p> </p><p>Maybe it wasn’t. </p><p> </p><p>Fjord didn’t pull away. </p><p> </p><p>“I see why you don’t want Beau to know,” Fjord said.</p><p> </p><p>Caduceus chuckled. “I told you.” </p><p> </p><p>He could feel the Wild Mother at his back, pushing him. She wasn’t as shy as he was, more open about her love and blessings. It was like a gust of wind against his back, strong enough to shove him almost off balance but not quite. Caduceus smiled at her presence even though he didn’t have the confidence to do what she wanted him to do. Still, it was nice knowing that she was supporting him.</p><p> </p><p>Perhaps later. </p><p> </p><p>Perhaps when Caduceus had a bit more courage. </p><p> </p><p>Where they were sitting, they could look out the window, up at the night sky. The stars were out and clearer than anything Caduceus has seen before. Even back at the Grove. The moon was whole and if Caduceus squinted, he could imagine the galaxies that were just out of reach. If there were a spell in the world that could take them up there, Caduceus would learn it in a heartbeat. </p><p> </p><p>“The Wild Mother loves you,” he mumbled, half to himself but mostly to Fjord. He wasn’t sure if he was ready to say the truth just yet.</p><p> </p><p>Fjord grunted in response and took another puff from the pipe. </p><p> </p><p>Caduceus satisfied himself with that, smiling as he took another pull from his own pipe. It wasn’t quite a familiar feeling. He never felt this way when he was with his family. It wasn’t bad, just unfamiliar. Caduceus tipped his head so he could lean against Fjord, letting his eyes close as the feeling of exhaustion overtook him. </p><p> </p><p>Fjord fell asleep first. </p><p> </p><p>Caduceus only noticed when his breathing evened out and he slumped more bodily against him. They shared body heat, even though the night wasn’t that cold. Still, it felt nice to be so close to someone without having the pressure to do anything. Caduceus carefully took Fjord’s pipe, snuffing the embers before setting it aside before doing the same with his own. </p><p> </p><p>He fell asleep moments later, easing them back onto the bedroll so they could lay side-by-side. No one else had come up from the bar yet, and Caduceus was okay with that. Fjord curled himself close to his side, and it was better that they weren’t disturbed just yet. Caduceus could stare at the ceiling as he drifted off. </p><p> </p><p>And no one in the Mighty Nine would talk about it the next morning if they happened to notice them either.</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>anyway, i'm on tumblr @manuscript-or</p></blockquote></div></div>
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